I'm mostly forgiving of people's faults in life, except when they get behind the wheel. I feel I'm a very considerate driver, since so much bothers me, I don't do those things to others. Here's a list of things they don't always teach in driver's training, but they should. Some of them are funny, but not any less true. The list is lengthy, 'cause lets face it, there's a lot of idiots out there and most of them drive. And I'm sure I've forgotten a few things. The first section specifically applies to freeway driving.
- The sign says, “Slow traffic keep right.” Not, “You’re going 2 MPH faster than the person next to you and that’s plenty fast enough for the fast lane.”
- If you’re passing someone and a faster driver comes up behind you, it wouldn’t hurt to speed up a couple MPH to get out of their way like the signs instruct. Edit: or slow down before they get there and move back into to right lane.
- There’s no soccer field here. Why is your minivan in the passing lane?
- If someone driving faster than you is coming up and there’s a person in front of you driving slower, don’t move into the fast lane sooner than you normally would just so you’ll be ahead of the person going faster. Chances are they would have been past you before you came up to the slower car anyhow.
- Don’t linger in the fast lane so you don’t have to change lanes again when you come upon that phantom vehicle somewhere up ahead. If you do insist on staying in the passing lane when you’re not passing, move the f^(k over when someone going faster comes up behind you. I’ll only give you a dirty look for this. Someone else might pull out a crossbow and shoot out your tires.
- Do you really think it wise to tailgate slower people in the fast lane at such high speeds?
- If you can, move over when someone is merging. And there’s no law that says you have to wait until the last second to do this.
- If someone is on the side of the road changing a flat or whatever else, move into the other lane. Even if they’re entirely off the pavement and you’re sure there’s plenty o’ room. It doesn’t feel that way to the person getting their hair blown around by cars doing mach 90 past them.
- I know there’s a vast expanse of 20 yards or so between the northbound and southbound lanes, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to turn your high beams off for people heading the other direction.
- Don’t pass people and spray crap all over their windshield just to exit an 8th of a mile later.
- Any Ontario plates you see you’re allowed to terrorize them.
- Why do you drive 10 MPH over the speed limit on the freeway, but only 5 MPH over on regular roads?
- Three lane freeways don’t help. Then the slow drivers just take up two lanes instead of one.
Rules and Common Courtesies for the Regular Road:- I was taught in driver’s ed to use your blinker when shifting your vehicle, meaning not just when you’re going to turn, but when you’re changing lanes and merging on or off the freeway. I see so many people fail to use their blinker before changing into a turn lane. Why bother at that point? Everyone knows you’re turning now. Use your signal before changing lanes, not after.
- If you’re making a right turn and there’s someone waiting for you to go past thinking you’re going straight, use your blinker so they know they don’t have to wait any longer.
- 100 feet or when you put on your brakes. That’s when you’re supposed to use your blinker before a turn. If you find several seconds pass in between when you turn on your signal and when you hit the brakes, that’s too soon. Not only is it annoying for other drivers, it can be dangerous. When you turn on your blinker, other drivers assume you’re turning on the nearest road, not the one 3 or 4 roads away. You may find people pulling out or turning close in front of you b/c they thought you were turning down the road a hundred feet from you, not the one a thousand feet from you.
- For Heavan’s sake check your blind spot before changing lanes! I was pushed into the turning lane once by a suburban that didn’t know I was overtaking him. Don’t assume no one’s next to you. I’m not perfect at this one. I’ve had two close calls, not b/c I didn’t check my blind spot, but b/c I didn’t check closely enough. It’s quite scary when you change lanes and you see someone 4 inches off your bumper in the rear view mirror.
- Practice some defensive driving and don’t linger in someone’s blind spot. I’ve seen enough accidents on Wildest Police Videos to know that usually the person changing lanes without looking drives off without a care and the person being cut off either swerves and hits something else or rolls over.
- If you use someone else as bear bait, please do it properly. It doesn’t work if you’re three car lengths behind the person. You have to be far enough away so if a cop were hiding just past that road sign, they could pull out and pursue the other driver.
- If you’re speeding you’re supposed to slow down when you see a cop. Even if it’s only a tiny bit and you’re sure they won’t pull you over, it’s respectful. But if you’re already going the speed limit there’s no reason to slow down. This is especially true when a cop comes up behind you. They don’t want to be stuck behind your slow @$$ and neither do I.
- Don’t drive drunk. You may not think your life’s worth the price of a cab ride, but mine is. The risk of an accident quadruples when driving drunk, similar to that of driving while on a cell phone :) BTW, everyone has different ideas about what drunk is, just like some men don’t think shoving or slapping is domestic violence. But as the new campaign states, buzzed driving is drunk driving. Not that getting caught should be your main concern, but I’m one of those people who will follow someone I suspect is drunk and report them.
- You can drive faster than me, I don’t mind. But I’m already doing 63 in a 55. There’s no reason to tailgate me.
- If you have your brights on and the driver in the opposing lane turns his off, that’s a good indicator that you should turn yours off then also. If you find people shining their brights at you a second before you pass each other, they’re trying to send a message.
- And if you see someone coming around a corner, you don’t have to wait ‘til they’re all the way around to switch to low beams.
- If you’re behind someone and you have your brights on, make sure you’re far enough away to warrant them. There’s something wrong if you turn your hi beams off for a car in the opposing lane who’s farther away than the car you’re following.
- When you’re coming to a blind intersection, turn off your brights so you don’t momentarily blind crosstraffic.
- It’s not gonna kill you to get passed. Don’t speed up when someone’s trying to pass you. And definitely don’t speed up when the road opens up to two lanes just to slow down when the passing zone is closed. That goes for people being passed and people doing the passing.
- If the road’s snowy and someone is driving slowly, it’s not going to do any good to tailgate. Why would you want someone to drive any faster than he or she feels comfortable, especially with a rear wheel drive vehicle, tires as bald as Mr Clean, etc… The car may be turning at the next road and if Driver forgets to put on the blinker sooner than normal to account for extra stopping distance, you will cause an accident.
- Don’t forget before you try to whip out in front of that semi in the winter, your car may slip and it will take you longer to get out of his way, and take him longer to avoid squishing you into a big grease spot on the road.
- If you live in a snowy area, the savings from that cheap set of all season tires doesn’t compare to the thousands you could have to pay to fix your or another person’s car after you slide on the ice.
- If you’re passing someone on a wet, slushy or snow-covered road, know that you’re going to spray it all over their windshield. So if you can, give a little extra distance before moving back into your lane.
- Okay, I can understand why people might drive 45 in a 55 on a snow-covered road, but why then slow down to 35 when the speed limit changes to 45? You already know it’s safe to drive 45. Just b/c it’s winter doesn’t mean you’re required to drive 10 MPH under the speed limit.
- Don’t try to beat the light. People like me on the other road at the intersection like to anticipate the green light so we slow without coming to a complete stop when it’s about to go from red to green. I don’t want to smash into someone who thought it was going to stay yellow for a half second longer.
- Just b/c there aren’t any signs that say so, when there’s two lanes going one way, slower traffic is supposed to keep right. That’s not just my opinion, it’s fact. And just b/c you’re making a left turn in 4 miles doesn’t constitute the need to drive in the fast lane.
- The turn lane isn’t just for turning; it’s for slowing down before the turn. Don’t slow to idol speed in the regular lane and then move into the turn lane to come to a complete stop. Your brake lights shouldn’t come on until at least two tires are in the turn lane. The only excuse for not doing this is if the turning lane is slushy and you have to slow down to safely enter.
- If there’s two lanes going one way and you’re making a right turn onto that road, you don’t always have to wait until both lanes are clear for a mile to make your turn. There’s two lanes for a reason. Occupy the one that has no cars coming at you. If one lane is clear and the other has a car coming that will have to slow down for you or go around, pick the other lane. That’s not just being considerate, that’s being safe.
- Speaking of which, if you’re at an intersection and you turned into the closest lane like you’re supposed to, people turning from the other direction could occupy the lane closest to them and wouldn’t have to wait to see if you’re going to take up their lane or not. Most people reading this don’t drive a full size, crew cab, long box pickup so there’s no reason you have to make a wide arch into the farthest lane.
- Do you really find it necessary to whip out in front of people like a mad man only to do the speed limit or slower? My god man! Even my paranoid grandmother drives 61 in a 55. If you can afford to drive that slow, you can afford to wait for me to pass first.
- You same people who do the above also cut someone off just to turn in the next 16th of a mile. Stop it.
- Whoever keeps pulling out halfway on to the road waiting for the person in the lane you’re about to turn into to go past, stop that. You’re scaring my grandma.
- I almost miss my car that didn’t have anti-lock brakes. The wonderful screeching noise the tires made when people pulled out in front of me when they shouldn’t have was far more effective than any amount of horn honking.
- If they didn’t want you to be courteous and use the shoulder of the road as a partial turning lane so you can get out of the flow of traffic then they shouldn’t have put so much extra asphalt there. Don’t go off the road, though. You flick rocks at the other cars.
- When you are turning, please use your signal so the people behind you know which way to pass.
- When you pull a trailer always, always make sure the lights are working properly. I was only two seconds from a serious accident b/c I passed someone I had no idea was making a left turn.
- I don’t care how good you think you are driving while on the phone or, Heaven forbid, texting, you’re probably not. If you’ve ever looked up from one of these electronic devices and found yourself on the shoulder or had someone honk at you “for no reason” while using one, put it away.
- Learn to park. If you pull into a spot at a bad angle, try again. I don't care how close you are to the yellow line. I'm one of those people who will park properly in the center of my spot even if it only leaves you 6 inches to get into your car.
- If you decide to drive below the speed limit on clear roads, don’t get upset when people honk or flip you off or shake your car as they zoom past. And don’t think they should have left the house earlier. It’s hard enough for some people to leave on time, and you want them to leave early so you can save a half a mile per gallon in gas. Insolence! Practice accelerating more slowly, or better yet, stay home. That’s how you save gas.
- I can’t read the tiny letters on your bumper sticker so you’re forcing me to tailgate.
- Your poignant bumper sticker has completely changed my views. Thank you for the epiphany.
- I was an honor student too. Look what happened. I wouldn’t be bragging if I were you.
- If you’ve still got a Kerry ’04 bumper sticker on your car, please take it off.
- If you speed, cut people off or occasionally give the one finger salute, remove your Jesus fish.
- What the hell could you possibly be doing in your car those 3 seconds after the light turned green and you failed to start moving?
- Don’t brag that you’re a good driver just b/c you’ve never been in an accident. That only means you’re lucky or you’re a queer statistic or you’re a geek and never leave the house. One of the worst drivers I know has never been in an accident. And don’t think someone who has been in an accident is a bad driver. One in four good drivers will be in a
serious accident in their life.
- You think your car has one way glass? People can see you bouncing around while singing along with the radio. That’s fine if you don’t care; just know that we see you and we may write about you in our blogs. Yeah, you know who you are. I saw you at the light on West Otsego Lake Drive doing what I can only assume was the Thriller dance.
- If you do something stupid or inconsiderate on the road and they honk at you, you’re not “getting them back” by honking your horn too. You only look like a bigger idiot than before.
- When you’re mad at someone, you actually think it does any good to shine your brights at them in the middle of the day? They don’t care. They can hardly tell the difference. Get a really loud horn and scare the p!$$ out of them.
- If you want to have your lights on when the skies are overcast, that’s fine. But don’t flash your lights at people to turn theirs on too. And don’t flash your lights at me for ambiguous things, like you just passed a cop back there, or my luggage is about to fly off my roof rack. How am I supposed to get that? I don’t know Morse code, but I’m sure two equal flashes doesn’t mean any of those things.
- Turn your lights on when it’s foggy, raining or snowing. My truck is slow and I don’t want to have to see you coming at me only after I’ve started passing someone.
- Your radio doesn’t need to be as loud when you come to a stop. I don’t want to hear your potty mouth lyrics at a light.
- If you pay extra for a vanity plate, pick something anyone can understand. Your initials or a reference to your obscure auxiliary club could mean anything and are no more significant than the random paring given by the state.
- Tapping your brakes only works if someone is just following less than two car lengths behind. If they’re truly tailgating, they know it. And they’re prolly doing it b/c you did one of the things listed above.
- What jerkoff invented the idea of parking a tailgater? If I’m driving, I’m usually headed somewhere. I don’t want to waste my time getting into an accident with some idiot following too closely. So what if his or my insurance will pay for it. I may have to waste even more time in court. Plus, I’d be taking a police officer away from real duties and raising insurance rates across the board. Is purposely getting into an accident and collecting insurance any different than purposely burning down your house and collecting insurance? It’s fraud.
- And finally, just because someone does any, or all of these things, that doesn’t give you the right to bump into them with your vehicle, key their car, run them off the road, follow them home and start a fist fight or pull out a weapon. Honk, give the finger if you want, report their license number if they’re doing something illegal, but who do you think you are to do any more than that? You may find that the inconsiderate d!(k who did _____ to you has even worse road rage.
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and even then I didn't do a very adequate job. You'd need some sort of hydraulic press to drain it all. I swear I'll never do it again. It was impossible to gauge how much fixin's I would need. I put too much mayo and pepper in one bowl, and not quite enough in the other. The eggs I added one by one, slicing them with a genuine Veg-O-Matic. But it's a pre-1980 Veg-O-Matic, so there's really nothing "o-matic" about it. You push the top down manually and it just slices things into cubes for you. The one I used was similar to the one pictured on the right, only slightly more discolored.
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